is the exact opposite of last year and some how still the exact same. I am the one posting the picture-less, extreme depression post and you are the one happy freaking out about a boy. It's the beginning of the first semester instead of the end of the second. I ditto everything that was in yours at the end of last year. I am the most miserable and lonely of my entire life, nothing makes any sense no matter how hard I try to understand it, I don't feel like I'll ever really be happy ever again. I can't function like a normal human-being with out you guys around me and I don't think we'll ever all be together again. No one is obligated to love me or care about no matter how much I love them or care about them. I can't ask any one person to love me or care about me cause its too much responsibilty for one person. I am literally loosing what little social skills I had. I don't know how to make friends with people, I can't be honest cause no one wants to be friends with the desperately lonely crazy girl, but I don't wanna lie or pretend to be something I'm not cause that feels fake and what use are friends who don't even really know who you are, and what am I supposed to do during the 4+ years it takes me to actually get comfortable being myself with these hypothetical new friends. I have so much homework and am so disorganized that all I have time to do is swim and eat and when I do something else I screw myself over and feel terrible for not doing all my homework. which has nothing to do with anything I want to do in life. I can't ask my parents to let me drop out, they'd be so dissapointed. and what would I do then? I'm afraid to leave cause I'll probably just fail at life somewhere else and then I won't be able to pretend that maybe this just isn't the right place for me. That its not here thats making me miserable, I'm just miserable and no matter where I am I'm gonna have to fix myself and figure out how to be alone cause this is what the rest of life is gonna be like. I don't know how to fix myself. I don't know what to do.
everyone who reads this is gonna be like you should probably get some counseling gill. yay other people confirming that I have serious problems, that makes me feel so much better.
i miss you so much julie.
sorry for being a bummer. I'll try to be less of a mess by the time you come visit me.
everything is the story of my life right now. its a disaster.
BABBYYYY!!! I know how hard it is i was literally in the exact same spot, but i think the only thing you can do is take time. that is the most useless advice ever i know i know! but honestly i dont have anything to tell you that isnt eventually you will find your spot and make friends. and if not then you will know its time to move on, and another opportunity will present itself. my other advice is fake it til you make it. honestly if you just assume you are already comfortable with people you will have less trouble being yourself. once you can be yourself your guaranteed to make friends, you did it with us!! also just try and remember the things to look forward to like thanksgiving and then christmas break!!! im sorry everything sucks so much :( but it will get better i promise :)
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